Breaking the Cycle: Healing from Your Own Dad Wounds

Affirming Words
Jun 6, 2025
2 min read

Fatherhood is complex. It can bring out your deepest strengths—and also surface wounds you didn’t know were still lingering.

For many men, becoming a dad stirs something beneath the surface. Old memories. Unanswered questions. Patterns they swore they’d never repeat. The truth is, how we were fathered has a profound impact on how we father. And sometimes, the only way to move forward is to look back first.

The Unspoken Legacy of Fatherhood

Whether your dad was present or absent, loving or critical, engaged or emotionally distant—he left an imprint. Maybe you had a great father, but still find yourself struggling in ways you can’t explain. Or maybe you had a painful relationship with your dad, and you’ve vowed to be different—but aren’t sure how.

Unhealed wounds from our own childhood can show up in subtle ways:

Snapping at our kids when we feel overwhelmed
Avoiding emotional conversations because we were never shown how
Holding back affection or validation because it feels unfamiliar
Feeling like we’re “faking it” in this role and someone will find out

That’s not failure. That’s unprocessed pain. And it deserves attention.

13 Damaging Dad Archetypes

In The Dad Journal, I reference a list of 13 “Damaging Dad” archetypes—from the Absent Dad to the Narcissistic Dad. This list isn’t about blame. It’s about recognition.

Some dads disappear. Some stay, but stay emotionally closed. Some are too critical. Others too checked out. Some wound through addiction, infidelity, or neglect.

The point is: most dads didn’t have tools. They did what they could with what they knew. But if you're reading this, you’re in a position to do more. To break the cycle. To heal the damage—so it doesn’t pass on to your own kids.

What Healing Actually Looks Like

Healing doesn’t require perfection. It requires presence. It’s found in the little moments:

Writing that unsent letter to your dad
Noticing the way you parent differently, and owning it
Naming your fears and flaws—not hiding from them
Choosing to stay emotionally available, even when it’s hard

This kind of work doesn’t happen by accident. It takes intention. Time. And tools.

That’s why I created The Dad Journal—a self-guided workbook for fathers who want to reflect, grow, and show up with clarity and purpose. It offers space to explore your past, redefine your present, and commit to a new legacy.